3 Good things I learned after getting laid off from my very first job

I have a story to tell today. It’s taken a while to ripen. I didn’t know how to start, what to say, or if it would even matter…

But sometimes, I think, it’s good to share with abandon.

A few things you should know about me before I tell my story — I’m a Designer. I’m a New Orleans lady. I’m motivated. I give my all. I’m passionate. I’m outwardly optimistic but internally pessimistic. I could be the poster child for imposter syndrome. I fake it daily. I doubt myself terribly. I have anxiety and panic disorder. I feel things ridiculously deeply. I’m well aware of my flaws, and I manage them.

Okay, let’s jump in:

Almost a year ago, I was laid off after asking for a raise.

I was working for a custom software development agency with good people who helped me grow as a designer and learn the dynamics of office politics. I interned with them for a year before going full-time after graduating from college. I was lucky. I was a real part of the team — contributing to the brand and culture. I even brought in a design award. Things were going alright.

All things considered, when it was time for employee evaluations, I decided to ask for compensation for the work I’d been doing. The worst that could happen was to be told “no.”

Needless to say, I was wrong.

I was called into the COO’s office with hopes of negotiation only to find myself let go instead.

Here’s a glimpse of the inner dialogue that occurred:

Didn’t I do my best? Didn’t I contribute enough? Was I wrong to ask for a raise? What could I have done better? What’s wrong with me… Will I ever be worth anything? Am I worthless?

I did what I could to quiet those panicked thoughts. But I couldn’t get past the fact that my best wasn’t good enough. I tried convincing myself that I wasn’t wrong for valuing myself, and I shouldn’t let this experience ruin that. I should ask for things I want. Too many women, particularly in the south, devalue themselves and work for less than they should. I should be proud of myself for asking.

Easier said than done.

I felt shame. I felt failure. And I felt rejection.

Now, before you think this is another article describing how “getting laid off was the best thing to happen to me,” let’s be real. I was angry and sad, and sometimes I still am. My already low self-esteem took a blow, and my thoughts teetered on the edge of panic-attack-mode.

Fast forward a year:

I moved to New York. I’m motivated even more. I’m getting better with my skills. I hustle, hard — even when I’m exhausted. I don’t hate myself for asking for a raise. My self-esteem is higher than it’s ever been because I’ve come to know myself more. I feel strong.

And okay, yeah, I did have a few weird realizations after getting laid off:

Each day, you’re faced with a choice: react or accept.

This is true no matter what you’re going through. You can react by fully letting yourself feel your emotions in a raw way, or you can react by bottling up your emotions to maintain a façade. Sometimes reacting seems like the best decision in the short-term because, hey, you’re human and feeling things is hard.

But no matter how damn hard it is, accepting the things you can’t change is the best thing you can ever do for yourself. Once you do, you’ll move on and live with better purpose — focusing your energy on the things you canchange instead of throwing your fists in the air, cursing the unjust universe.

There are no rules. You can rebuild your life whenever you want, and you should, often.

You are not forced to stay where you are if you are unhappy. You owe it to yourself to enjoy life, and you should actively seek whatever it is you enjoy, even if it requires uprooting your life. You’ll grow new ones.

Granted, I am no expert on life as a 20-something year old, but I know that complacency is a tricky girl. You can easily slip into her clutches, living as a ghost of your passionate self with the consolation prize of “stability” and/or “security.”

Don’t be a drone. Stay motivated. Learn new skills, and continue to grow.

Plus, it can actually be fun to start new.

Persistence is the most important quality you can have.

Rejection is hard. Sometimes your best won’t be good enough, and it’ll hurt. Be glad to learn this. It’ll be easier to accept with time.

If you keep getting the “no” when you want the “yes,” don’t give up. Talent or no, if you keep trying and hustle hard, you will be enough.

I don’t have a happy ending for this story of mine. Being laid off was a pretty terrible experience, but it helped me learn so many things. And it gave me hope for something better. I value myself more, and I have faith in myself. I’ve even surprised myself this past year with how far I’ve come. What a wonderful place to be, after all.

Stay hopeful, friends, and hustle.

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